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Monkey1388
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Name: Oscar
Location: Grayslake, Illinois, United States
Birthday: 3/1/1988
Gender: Male
Interests: Music, i'm really into it. I love Coldplay. I also like Marilyn Manson, Madonna, The beatles... What else would you like to know? Just aks and i'll answer.
I have myspace too!
http://www.myspace.com/46533283
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  therockmonkey666
AIM:  queerboy4u1388
Yahoo:  therockmonkey666
Member Since:
9/14/2005
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| I miss what we had, I miss being in love, and cudding at night. I miss holding hands, and feeling like I'm walking though paradise during it. I miss caring for someone, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, but I DO NOT MISS YOU. Very Truly Yours, Oscar Christian Gomez | | |
| Therockmonkey666 (8:29:01 PM): you gotta ask him, make him do simple but meaningful important things for you.
Therockmonkey666 (8:30:23 PM): for example, what I did for nick, you know someone loves you when they stick to you if you have HIV Therockmonkey666 (8:31:00 PM): or... you know when someoen loves you when you do not have a car and yet this person is always giving you rides, and always driving so he can see you. Therockmonkey666 (8:31:20 PM): or... you know this person loves you when he goes with you to the doctor's office. Therockmonkey666 (8:31:59 PM): you know this person loves you when he lets you spend a night at his house like I did, but then again I used to let nick spend weeks, lol Therockmonkey666 (8:33:31 PM): you know this person loves you when he introduces his parents to you, like i did. Nick met my parents, and told them he was my BF, in contrast to... "Oh, meet, _____, he's a... umm.... friend." like nick did.
Therockmonkey666 (8:33:55 PM): comprende? Therockmonkey666 (8:34:34 PM): and most important, you know someone loves you when he wears a condom and says it's to protect each other. Therockmonkey666 (8:35:28 PM): and.... gets tested for STDs together, that's when you know he truly loves you, when he takes an STD test, because he wants you to make sure he's clean. And build trust on each other. that's when you know he loves you. Therockmonkey666 (8:35:51 PM): then again, I did all of the things above for nick, he did none. | | |
| Sometimes I wish I was as heartless as he is, and only care about myself without caring about anyone else and use who ever I want, so I don't feel the pain. However at the same time I'm glad I'm in pain right now. Not as much as I used to feel it like when I first broke up with him, but I'm glad because it proves me that I have feelings, that I have respect for myself and others, and that I'm only human. The pain proves me that it is real, that love exists. The pain teaches me what can happen if I'm not careful about giving my heart its fullest without knowing if the other person is giving the heart to its fullest as well. All I have now is the pain and nothing else. I might have been close to lose the willing to live again over him, after all I am "legally" suicidal, but I'm glad that I didn't. Because he probably would've read online that I died, say... "ehh" and log into adam or manhunt. btw, his profile here on adam is nicky_boy (if you were curious). I'm glad I didn't lose the willing to live over him because I want to lose it when It's truly worth it. When my true mate is dying of cancer, or in an accident, and I knew that he was giving me his heart to the fullest, and I'm I'm 70, and I lived 40years with him. Then I will say, I'm sorry but there's nothing else for me in this life. Good bye all. I will join my mate. I want to die for someone I love, and truly know that this someone loves me back. A two way street.
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| I'm in love. will explain later. | | |
| ...Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock... is what I'm hearing right now, coming form that wall clock that I bought a couple of weeks ago in the middle of the night when I was hanging out with Allison. It's 4:20 and I can't sleep. Tomorrow something new will start. I started to notice that I have to study harder than the average person to get satisfying grades, I get leaded by my impulses, and for some reason since I love to dance, I do fouette turns in the middle of my living room for no reason, I will tell how I feel even if that means hurting someone deeply. I'd be doing math homework and then for some reason stop and try to make up some ballet combination. I have ADHD. In a way I'm not surprised. I sort of suspected something wasn't right when I took that course of psychology over the summer. If I studied hard, why didn't I get the A that I was expecting to get? Tomorrow I will be starting a treatment with medications. Ritalin, Adderall, one of those drugs will be given to me and see how my brain react to them. I must admit I'm scared. I do not know how my brain is going to react, or how this is going to affect my life. I know I'm in good hands, but I'm afraid I might change in personality, and even become something I'm not willing to be. The drugs were made with a purpose. There is a reason of why people take these kind of medications. Maybe they're not good for me, perhaps they won't even work at all. There's only one way to find out, and that's giving them a try. Until then all I'm going to do is just click on "save changes" to keep this blog, and try to sleep. Even though all I will be doing is laying with my eyes closed hearing noises coming from a clock...Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock. | | |
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